How to Be Happy (Like a 5-Year-Old)

Devi: Mom, I am so happy.

Me: Oh? Why are you happy?

This is the conversation that I had with my 5-year-old daughter, Devi. She told me again a few days later that she was happy. And again I asked her the same question. “Why are you happy? She didn’t reply to me and continued playing with her toys.

Now I want to ask you. Why are you happy? What makes you happy?

Image by Astrid Pereira from Pixabay

My daughter kept telling me “ I am happy. I am happy” to the point that I began to feel a twinge of jealousy. One day, we were stuck in terrible traffic en route to her doctor’s appointment. I was frustrated and worried we’d miss it. When I glanced at my daughter, she gave me a big smile. The other day, I bought tickets to the zoo for my whole family. When the day finally came, it was raining. The moment I saw the rain, I was upset. My carefully made plans were ruined! But my daughter, on the other hand, the moment she saw the rain, she was unbelievably happy and started to sing “rain rain go away!”.

How come two people in the same situation reacted so differently? She is happy. I am not happy. I am very curious.

I pondered this question for weeks until my partner introduced me to a book, “Awareness” by Anthony De Mello. He was the best-selling author. Anthony De Mello was a Jesuit priest known throughout the world for his writings and spiritual conferences. While reading this book I found this interesting quote: "Happiness is our natural state. Happiness is the natural state of little children, to whom the kingdom belongs until they have been polluted and contaminated by the stupidity of society and culture."

He stated that we do not need to do anything to be happy because it is our natural state. He further mentioned that we were born happy but we have been programmed to be unhappy. This got me thinking about my daughter’s happiness. She is happy for no reason. And that is fine because it’s her natural state and she has not yet been polluted by the stupidity of society. I, instead, am not happy because I was spoiled by society. This is cultural conditioning. Society taught us that happiness comes from the outside. They taught us that in order to be happy, we need money, success, a beautiful or a handsome life partner, travel the world, you name it. Unless we get these things, we are not going to be happy.

To acquire happiness we do not have to do anything because happiness cannot be acquired. We have it already. How can we acquire what we already have, but then why don’t we feel it? Why don’t we experience happiness? It is because we have got to drop something. We have to drop the false beliefs. A false belief is a misconception resulting from incorrect reasoning.

Let me share some examples of my false beliefs with you so you better understand what these are:

- My first false belief - “Academic Success”: I believed that I needed to be the top student so that I could be happy. I reached the top and I felt so thrilled, for this long: about five minutes. Then, things started to get tense. I have got to live up to it, I have got to maintain it. And I am not happy.

- My second false belief - “Career Achievement”: I believed that I needed to get a good job with good pay so that I could be happy. I have worked so hard to get a good job and when I have got it, I have got to strive to keep it. I needed to work even harder to meet my boss’ expectations. It started to get tense again and it didn’t make me happy.

These seem interesting to me. The things that I used to believe can make me happy, actually don’t. I believe there is something to add to De Mello’s quote: Happiness is our natural state, yes, and also nothing can make me happy. That is a good thing! because I am the only agent who can decide my happiness. Right now, I am trying to go somewhere. I recently embarked on a journey of financial freedom and I told myself that I would be happy when I reach my goal. But, after learning all about this, I guess this is my third false belief that I need to drop. I can be happy now while pursuing my goals.

In conclusion, I have come here to share with you what I have recently learned and how my perspective on life has changed. We don’t need to be the best to be happy. You should be happy too. It’s your natural state. Stop asking “Why are you happy?”. It is the wrong question to ask. Stop searching for external factors to make you happy. You just need to drop your false beliefs and you will experience happiness.

Devi: Mom, I am so happy.

Me: yes you are! And so am I.