It’s NOT Okay to Not Be Okay

How I Escaped the Grip of My Mind

Once upon a time, a guy went to see a fortune teller. After the fortune teller read his palm carefully and she said to him:

Fortune Teller: “You are miserable now, and you will continue to suffer MISERY until you turn 40.”
The man: He asked excitedly, “What happens after 40? Will my MISERY finally go away?”
Fortune Teller: “No! After 40, you’ll just get used to it.”

It’s a funny story. Isn’t it? But let me ask: does it resonate with you? How many of us feel like that man, resigning ourselves to stress or unhappiness, as though it’s just part of life?

For years, I was that man—trapped in a cycle of stress so pervasive that it became my normal. I told myself "It's okay not to be okay". Stress wasn’t just a passing storm; it was the air I breathed.

When work overwhelmed me, I turned to meditation, reading self help books or exercise to try and calm myself down. When moments of happiness came, I’d celebrate by treating myself—whether it was with a nice meal or buying something I didn’t really need. But the happiness was fleeting, and the stress always returned.

Eventually, after many ups and downs, I had to pause and ask: Is this really it? Is this what life is supposed to feel like? Deep down, I knew—it wasn’t. Feeling this way all the time wasn’t normal, and it wasn’t okay. Stress had taken over my life, consuming my physical and mental well-being. Studies show that chronic stress can weaken the immune system, increase blood pressure, and lead to anxiety, depression, and poor decision-making (American Psychological Association, 2023). For me, stress wasn’t just occasional—it was constant, showing up almost every other day. When it hit, I struggled to function, and it deeply affected my work, my relationships with my partner and daughter, and everything.

I wanted to break free from that pattern, but I didn’t know how. So, I kept seeking answers. I meditated more, attended workshops, and read books by renowned spiritual teachers like Eckhart Tolle and Ramana Maharshi. Both often emphasize that we are not our minds:

• Eckhart Tolle, in The Power of Now, teaches that much of human suffering arises from identifying with our thoughts. He encourages people to observe their mental chatter, recognizing that true freedom and presence come when we no longer mistake the mind for our essence.

• Ramana Maharshi, through the practice of self-inquiry, asked seekers to consider, “Who am I?” He pointed to a deeper self beyond the ever-changing thoughts and emotions—a pure, unchanging awareness.

At the time, I appreciated the wisdom of these teachings, but to be honest, I didn’t fully understand them. The ideas felt profound but abstract. They made sense intellectually, but I couldn’t grasp how to integrate them into my daily life. Maybe I wasn’t ready, or maybe I needed to hear the message in a different way.

One day, my partner introduced me to the works of Kapil Gupta. Out of sheer curiosity—and perhaps desperation—I picked up his book, Atmamun. I won’t say it magically erased every problem overnight, but something about his presentation made the concept finally sink in. Kapil Gupta, in his own way, echoed what Eckhart Tolle, Ramana Maharshi, and countless other teachers have said: that our identification with the mind—mistaking every thought for our true selves—creates much of our suffering.

Recognizing You Are Not the Mind

Suddenly, I began to grasp that the root cause of my stress wasn’t my job, my responsibilities, or my circumstances—it was my mind.

Here’s the truth that changed everything for me: You are not your mind.

Let me explain. Your mind is constantly generating thoughts—worries, fears, doubts—and those thoughts create emotions. For example, my mind might conjure up a terrifying “what if,” like imagining something bad happening to my child. Instantly, I feel anxious and scared. But here’s the kicker: the thought isn’t real. It’s just noise, yet I was treating it as truth.

Image by wal_172619 from Pixabay

Let me explain it in another way. Imagine standing on a train platform, watching trains pass. Each train represents a thought. As long as you stay on the platform and observe, the trains don’t affect you. But when you jump onto every train, you lose control, getting dragged in every direction.

Image by Anja from Pixabay

For years, I had been boarding every train, believing every thought, and exhausting myself in the process. But then, I learned: I don’t have to. I can stay on the platform. I can observe my thoughts without letting them control me.

This realization set me free.

For the first time in years, I’ve felt true peace. I’m no longer a prisoner to my mind. Stress doesn’t dominate me anymore—it’s there, but it no longer has power over me.

It Didn’t Happen Overnight

I want to emphasize: this was not an instant cure-all. It was the culmination of more than 10 years of exploring, failing, learning, and listening to many voices. Atmamun didn’t provide a brand-new teaching, but it presented an old truth in a way that finally made sense for me. Sometimes, we simply need to hear it from the right person, at the right moment, for it to land.

No One-Size-Fits-All

I’m not claiming I’ve reached a permanent state of inner peace, and I’m certainly not suggesting everyone should read Kapil Gupta (or Eckhart Tolle or Ramana Maharshi) and expect an immediate breakthrough. Stress, anxiety, and other mental health challenges can be intricate, influenced by life circumstances, trauma, or even biology. Professional help—like therapy or counseling—may be critical for many people.

But I do believe this: you don’t have to stay “not okay.” Even if you’ve read about “You are not your mind” countless times before and it didn’t register, there might come a day—through a certain book, a personal insight, a teacher, or a life experience—when it finally resonates. We can be patient with ourselves and keep exploring.

Moving Forward

So, to anyone who feels chronically stressed or stuck: I’d encourage you not to just accept that as your fate. Yes, it’s important to acknowledge when we’re not okay, to reach out for support, and to be gentle with ourselves. But we don’t have to stay there forever. Many teachers, across different traditions, say that the roots of much suffering lie in over-identifying with our thoughts. Whether it’s Eckhart Tolle, Ramana Maharshi, Kapil Gupta, or someone else, maybe one day, in one way or another, it will click for you too.

I hope you’ll keep searching, keep questioning, and keep open to the possibility that life can be different than constant “not okay.” Sometimes, all it takes is finding that one perspective or that one voice that helps you finally see what others have been pointing to all along.

Because let me tell you this: It's NOT Okay to Not Be Okay.