Love should be more about acceptance and less about changing the other person, because to be sincere, changing the other person is not really possible.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm really touched that the message resonated with you. You're absolutely right. Trying to change someone rarely works, and it often takes away from the beauty of who they already are. Acceptance really is at the heart of love. I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts.
Beautiful, Sikieng! I really appreciated this post.
I've been thinking on this concept a lot, because when a relationship first begins, we’re often captivated by the essence of the other person—fascinated by the way they see the world, determined to uncover the hidden layers of who they are. But, as time rolls on, that boundless curiosity can dim. It’s easy to get caught up in the, “If only they would change this one little thing.” Bit by bit, we shift from cherishing them as they are to imagining them as a polished version tailored to meet our preferences. Love, real love, as you say, doesn’t look like that.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, Anna! I love the way you described the shift that can happen in relationships—from curiosity and appreciation to wishing for small changes. 'If only they would change this one little thing.'—this line makes me chuckle because it’s so relatable! It’s such a natural tendency, yet real love calls us to embrace people as they are, rather than how we think they should be. Your words beautifully capture that journey, and I truly appreciate you sharing your perspective!
This was such an insightful post. It makes you really think about your own relationships and what you put into and get out of them. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much! I’m really glad it resonated with you. Relationships can be such a reflection of our own growth and energy. Were there any particular insights that stood out to you?
I love how you said that you realized that love isn’t about forcing someone to fit into your expectations. I feel like we are raised to believe that if you love someone then you will conform into the person that they want you to be instead of letting them live you for your authentic self.
Sorry it has taken me this long to finally read this piece my friend 🙏🏾
I enjoyed reading this. When relationships (intimate or otherwise fail) it is almost always due to expectation. Your point about love asking for nothing in return being like the tree that provides shade regardless is a great metaphor. Thanks for writing this :)
No need to apologize, my friend! I'm grateful you took the time to read and comment on it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I completely agree—expectations can often be the biggest challenge in relationships. That tree metaphor really stuck with me too! Thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot. 🙏🏾😊
When someone can write something that is so complex in such a simple way, that's how you know they know what they're talking about. Love is not forcing. Super huge and actionable take away. Thank you Sikieng!
Thank you so much for your kind words again, Ryan! I'm really grateful that the message resonated with you. Love is such a deep and evolving journey for all of us, and I’m just sharing what I’ve learned along the way. Your support means a lot!🙏
Expecting someone to fit your exact idea of them is unfair. I, too, have learned that love creates space for both people to be themselves while growing together.
But I’d also add this—if something matters to you, expressing it honestly and constructively is just as important. Not through blame, but through understanding.
That’s how we learn about each other. That’s how the relationship evolves. Loved reading this, Sikieng. :)
Absolutely! Love isn’t about forcing change, but open and honest communication is essential. Expressing our needs with understanding (instead of blame) helps relationships grow in a healthy way. I love the way you put it—thank you for sharing your insight, Akanksha!
Very Nice. I am reminded of Marcus Buckingham’s research that he discussed in Love and Work. He explained that the most successful relationships are not between people who expose each others blind spots and take each other on as improvement projects.
Rather the most successful relationships are ones in which partners see each other as the biggest, best representation of who they are as unique individuals and believe that. They invest in each other.
Thank you! That’s such a great insight from Marcus Buckingham’s research. I completely agree—true love isn’t about fixing each other but about seeing and celebrating each other’s uniqueness. When we invest in our partners with acceptance and belief in their potential, love flourishes naturally!
THanks for this wonderful read, Sikieng. I love your offering of 'love is like a tree... it asks nothing in return'. We are in synch, or maybe it's upcoming Valentine's Day that has me contemplating love in my next newsletter.
Thank you so much, Tamy! I'm glad the tree analogy resonated with you. Love is such a beautiful and timeless topic to reflect on. Looking forward to reading your thoughts on love in your next newsletter! 😊
Great words here! An insight shared with me that changed a lot of that frustration was “if it matters to how specifically something is done, do it yourself.” I used to be angry my husband didn’t do things exactly the way I wanted and have come to understand that’s an unrealistic expectation. A partner is a whole other person who is always going to see things differently…and that’s a GOOD thing!
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing that insight, Gillian! That’s such a valuable perspective—realizing that our partners will always see things differently and that’s actually a strength, not a flaw. It’s so freeing when we let go of the need for things to be done 'our way' and instead appreciate the uniqueness they bring into our lives. I love how you put it—if something really matters to us, we can take responsibility for it instead of holding onto frustration. Such a great reminder! Thank you again!
A lovely post Sikieng. Love is meant to flow as an energy flows. You can not own or control it. Your partner is with you to be loved and accepted, not changed or ‘fixed’. I agree with everything you have said. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, Sue! I love the way you described love as an energy that flows—it’s such a beautiful and powerful perspective. You're absolutely right; love isn't about control or ownership but about acceptance and appreciation. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts! Thank you again 🙏🙏🙏
I really felt this.
Love should be more about acceptance and less about changing the other person, because to be sincere, changing the other person is not really possible.
Good one, Sikieng.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm really touched that the message resonated with you. You're absolutely right. Trying to change someone rarely works, and it often takes away from the beauty of who they already are. Acceptance really is at the heart of love. I appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts.
Beautiful, Sikieng! I really appreciated this post.
I've been thinking on this concept a lot, because when a relationship first begins, we’re often captivated by the essence of the other person—fascinated by the way they see the world, determined to uncover the hidden layers of who they are. But, as time rolls on, that boundless curiosity can dim. It’s easy to get caught up in the, “If only they would change this one little thing.” Bit by bit, we shift from cherishing them as they are to imagining them as a polished version tailored to meet our preferences. Love, real love, as you say, doesn’t look like that.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, Anna! I love the way you described the shift that can happen in relationships—from curiosity and appreciation to wishing for small changes. 'If only they would change this one little thing.'—this line makes me chuckle because it’s so relatable! It’s such a natural tendency, yet real love calls us to embrace people as they are, rather than how we think they should be. Your words beautifully capture that journey, and I truly appreciate you sharing your perspective!
This was such an insightful post. It makes you really think about your own relationships and what you put into and get out of them. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much! I’m really glad it resonated with you. Relationships can be such a reflection of our own growth and energy. Were there any particular insights that stood out to you?
I love how you said that you realized that love isn’t about forcing someone to fit into your expectations. I feel like we are raised to believe that if you love someone then you will conform into the person that they want you to be instead of letting them live you for your authentic self.
Thank you for sharing your insights. I do appreciate it. 🙏
I couldn't have said this better! Factually.
Thank you so much, Renee! That really means a lot. I'm just sharing what I've learned along the way, and I’m glad it resonated with you!
Great writing
Thank you so much, Lisa! That means a lot to me. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on it!
Sorry it has taken me this long to finally read this piece my friend 🙏🏾
I enjoyed reading this. When relationships (intimate or otherwise fail) it is almost always due to expectation. Your point about love asking for nothing in return being like the tree that provides shade regardless is a great metaphor. Thanks for writing this :)
No need to apologize, my friend! I'm grateful you took the time to read and comment on it. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I completely agree—expectations can often be the biggest challenge in relationships. That tree metaphor really stuck with me too! Thanks for your kind words, they mean a lot. 🙏🏾😊
When someone can write something that is so complex in such a simple way, that's how you know they know what they're talking about. Love is not forcing. Super huge and actionable take away. Thank you Sikieng!
Thank you so much for your kind words again, Ryan! I'm really grateful that the message resonated with you. Love is such a deep and evolving journey for all of us, and I’m just sharing what I’ve learned along the way. Your support means a lot!🙏
Expecting someone to fit your exact idea of them is unfair. I, too, have learned that love creates space for both people to be themselves while growing together.
But I’d also add this—if something matters to you, expressing it honestly and constructively is just as important. Not through blame, but through understanding.
That’s how we learn about each other. That’s how the relationship evolves. Loved reading this, Sikieng. :)
Absolutely! Love isn’t about forcing change, but open and honest communication is essential. Expressing our needs with understanding (instead of blame) helps relationships grow in a healthy way. I love the way you put it—thank you for sharing your insight, Akanksha!
I love this! Love is about accepting someone as they are, without control or attachment. Thank you for this beautiful reminder!
Thank you so much, Raven! I’m really glad this resonated with you. Love truly is about acceptance and freedom. I appreciate your kind words!
Very Nice. I am reminded of Marcus Buckingham’s research that he discussed in Love and Work. He explained that the most successful relationships are not between people who expose each others blind spots and take each other on as improvement projects.
Rather the most successful relationships are ones in which partners see each other as the biggest, best representation of who they are as unique individuals and believe that. They invest in each other.
Thank you! That’s such a great insight from Marcus Buckingham’s research. I completely agree—true love isn’t about fixing each other but about seeing and celebrating each other’s uniqueness. When we invest in our partners with acceptance and belief in their potential, love flourishes naturally!
Beautiful post! Love is what we are! ❣️🙏
Thank you so much, Lise! I truly believe love is at the core of who we are. Grateful that the message resonated with you!
THanks for this wonderful read, Sikieng. I love your offering of 'love is like a tree... it asks nothing in return'. We are in synch, or maybe it's upcoming Valentine's Day that has me contemplating love in my next newsletter.
Thank you so much, Tamy! I'm glad the tree analogy resonated with you. Love is such a beautiful and timeless topic to reflect on. Looking forward to reading your thoughts on love in your next newsletter! 😊
understood， nice one。https://obuma.substack.com
Thank you for your kind words, Obuma.
Great words here! An insight shared with me that changed a lot of that frustration was “if it matters to how specifically something is done, do it yourself.” I used to be angry my husband didn’t do things exactly the way I wanted and have come to understand that’s an unrealistic expectation. A partner is a whole other person who is always going to see things differently…and that’s a GOOD thing!
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing that insight, Gillian! That’s such a valuable perspective—realizing that our partners will always see things differently and that’s actually a strength, not a flaw. It’s so freeing when we let go of the need for things to be done 'our way' and instead appreciate the uniqueness they bring into our lives. I love how you put it—if something really matters to us, we can take responsibility for it instead of holding onto frustration. Such a great reminder! Thank you again!
A lovely post Sikieng. Love is meant to flow as an energy flows. You can not own or control it. Your partner is with you to be loved and accepted, not changed or ‘fixed’. I agree with everything you have said. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, Sue! I love the way you described love as an energy that flows—it’s such a beautiful and powerful perspective. You're absolutely right; love isn't about control or ownership but about acceptance and appreciation. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts! Thank you again 🙏🙏🙏